Not Looking, But Praying

Often times, people think that if a woman is single, unattached, and never married, her life is lonely and boring. I used to think that way too, which led me to settling.

I am writing this now, to let all the single ladies know that it’s okay to be single. That not all people are meant to depend their happiness to others, when you know how to make yourself happy in your own way.

I meet different kinds of people often. Both in person and online. Friends would hook me up, some asks me to sign up to this new online dating sites, and one time, a friend even made a profile for me in one of those online dating sites!

I almost got married twice, with 2 different people whom I thought I love, and I can live forever with. In short, I settled. When I met the first one, I thought I was inlove and was willing to give up everything for him. I know he is not the ideal one, but I thought to myself, my heart can eventually learn to love and accept him for who he is. But because I am NOT really inlove, and maybe was just inlove with the idea of love and getting married, it was easier to change my mind to marry and let the relationship go.

Then few years after, I met the 2nd one, and made exactly the same mistakes I made with the first. Having known few women who are still single at their age, I was afraid to be like them. Not that I can see that they are unhappy or content, but I just had this idea that if you are single, you are lonely. So what happened is I grabbed every opportunity I had to meet someone, eventhough I know I am not really that inlove. When the 2nd guy proposed, (infront of my family!) I said yes, I told myself this is better than growing old alone. So, Again, I settled.

If there are few things I’ve learned from these two experiences, they are:

Do not settle for someone you think you don’t deserve, just because you don’t want to grow old alone, you’ll grab every opportunity just to have a lovelife. Settling can hurt both you and the other person’s feelings in the end, and it will just cause much complicated situations.

Do not get married for the wrong reasons. Some people get married because of financial reasons. Be practical they say. Some get married because of the fear of growing old alone. Some get married because their parents want them to. Some get married just for the sake of being married because of peer pressure, or your biological clock is ticking. Etc., etc. If you will decide to tie the knot with someone make sure the reason is LOVE.

Don’t be desperate on looking for love or rush into getting married just because society dictates it. If they don’t contribute to your happiness, why the hell will you value their opinion? It’s your life. Live it the way you wanted to.

I’ve learned about myself more on what I really like. So, next time, in God’s perfect timing, if He will allow my path crossed with someone, I’ll make sure that I really like and love the guy, and avoid settling. If I think I am not really inlove, I’d rather stay single and happy, than be with the wrong one, and suffer.

And then, I’ve learned to love and appreciate myself more. I’ve realized that I am enough. I’ve realized that I can be happy even without someone. I loved the freedom, to do the things that I wanted without thinking of hurting anybody or of anybody’s opinion on what to do or what I wanted to do with my life. I love the feeling of being independent, of doing things on my own because I feel that I am a strong person. I’ve gain more self respect because I know that I don’t need to force myself to be with someone just for the sake of getting married.

For now, I just try to focus on more important things in life than looking for a life partner, because I have proven to myself that there is nothing really wrong with staying single. As long as you know what you want, and you are happy with your life, it’s okay. Go on, work hard for your dreams, travel, go out with friends, stay up late, wake up really late on rest days, buy the things you like with your own money. Live fully, and enjoy every moment. Love the people who loves you, like your family and friends, and cherish every moment spent with them. For someday, if it is really GOD’s will, it will all happen.

So, one time, when me and a good friend were discussing this topic, she asked me, have you ever been really, truly, madly inlove then? I said, “I’ve always been inlove, with so many things. But when it comes to relationships,no, not that head over heels, I will fight for it kind of love yet. When The right man comes, if ever he will come, I’ll make sure this time it’ll be worth the wait. I’ll know it, for sure.”

And, another question “have you really stopped looking for that special someone?!” I told her, yes, I’ve stopped looking, but I am praying for it. And there is a huge difference between those two, for now I believe that God’s plan will always be better than my own, so I’ll just let HIM do the searching for me..or who knows, God might have found him already for me, but is just waiting for the right time.