Last year, February 14,2017- Valentines day. One of the most exciting, fun time of the year, especially for young, in love couples. People would often say that Valentine's is not just for lovers, but for everyone you love. Which is true! But, when you are unattached, and you see posts on social media, of the gifts they receive, and how they celebrated this day, or sweet couples everywhere, you might feel a little sad for yourself. Trust me, I know the feeling, and I understand how annoying it can sometimes get.
A lot of years have passed, when I don't even notice this day, and it's completely okay. But, last year was different. I felt sad, and jealous even. I asked God,what was wrong with me, why doesn't anybody love me the way I wanted? Why is there a lot of people who found love, and why can't I? Am I a bad person who is so hard to love? Am I not worth it. Not enough? (Kulang na lang itanong ko, "pangit ba 'ko, kapalit-palit ba ko? " which I did not dare ask, takot ko lng na masagot ako ng "oo! ") I had all these questions, but I couldn't find the answers.
From that day onwards, I just found myself drifting away from my relationship with God. I stopped praying and going to church. It lasted for almost a month. I felt like a spoiled brat who wanted something from her faher, and when I couldn't receive it, I threw tantrums and sulk in darkness.
I just realized one day that happiness cannot be found if you are not happy with yourself, and love cannot be shared without loving yourself first.
After that realization, I asked God for forgiveness, and started to be "me" again. That's when I started to get serious in praying, not just for a lover, but for a partner, a team mate, a confidant, a best friend all rolled into one person . I told God, "He doesn't have to be perfect, he just have to be real" Then it was on the last week of March, when I started to communicate with this man online, at that time, I have actually gave up on online dating. But his messages are actually something someone can't ignore. One day I just heard "someone" whisper in my head ( and heart) "give it another try". So I trusted my gut, and that small voice inside me.
Up to this time, I never really thought we will come this far.
For all of you who are still waiting to find true love, whatever your age is, or your gender is, always remember, if you want something so bad, don't ever give up. Always pray and ask God whatever your heart desires. Be specific, but realistic. Set your goals. You should first ask yourself, what is your real priority ba? Is it to find love, or a nice job, or be a millionare. From there, have faith that God will grant you the thing(s) you've been praying for in His timing, not yours.
Keep on praying, no matter how long it takes. And, while waiting, have fun and enjoy every minute of your life, travel alone, spend time with friends and family, make everyday special, make everyday a Valentine's day. Time will come, and you won't even notice, your prayers will be answered one by one. Sometimes, it can be more than what you have asked for. More than what you even deserve.
It's true that God answers all our prayers in two different ways. It's either a yes, or "I have something better planned for you. " You just have to listen carefully on what he wants you to do, and always pray faithfully. Afterall, I also believe that God knows our hearts, he already know what we want to pray for, we just need to show Him how much we trust Him, by continuing to pray, even though at times, it seems impossible. All we need to do is believe. ❤
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
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